Alters
Pencil Sketches
This collection opens a window into the inner architecture of Matte’s mind—an artistic record of the identities that have helped him survive, adapt, and create. Living with Dissociative Identity Disorder, shaped by years of childhood trauma, Matte’s inner world is populated by distinct alters who carry different memories, emotions, and roles. Some, like Shadow Girl, Katrina, and Vampire Man, surface through these drawings with their own presence, posture, and energy.
Rather than dwelling on the pain that formed them, this gallery focuses on the extraordinary creative abilities that emerged alongside it: Matte’s photographic visual memory, his intuitive draftsmanship, and the artistic and musical genius recognised by his clinicians. These works are not symptoms, they are translations of lived experience, rendered with honesty, precision, and respect for the complexity of the mind that made them.
For those who want to explore Matte’s story in greater depth, more information is available on the About page.
Sarah and Portelleous the pig
Graphite on card — 1020 × 725 mm - copyright 2023
Description A young alter, Sarah Scarletton, rides the hybrid creature Portelleous through a warped inner landscape populated by fragmented figures, symbolic companions, and the doll‑alter Sasha Scarletton suspended nearby. The scene blends childlike play with psychological multiplicity, presenting a world where identities split, communicate, and coexist within a single internal system.
Interpretation The work visualises the complexity of Matte’s inner world, where Sarah acts as a central communicator between alters, including those whose forms are distorted or partially obscured. By depicting alters with their own alters, the drawing reflects the recursive, layered structure of dissociation and the strange, often humorous logic that governs this internal ecosystem.
Sarah
Graphite on card — 600 × 800 mm (2020)
Description A doll‑like manifestation of Sarah Scarletton sits before a luminous portal, her form rendered with delicate graphite detail against a drifting, atmospheric backdrop. The composition captures the moment of first contact between Sarah and Matte within his psyche, marking the threshold where his internal world began to fracture open into a multidimensional space.
Interpretation The drawing reflects Matte’s early breakthrough into a perceived alternate dimension—an experience long invalidated by external gaslighting yet deeply embedded in his inner reality. By positioning Sarah as a steadying presence during this rupture, the work speaks to the resilience of neurodivergent inner systems shaped by childhood trauma, and the way protective figures emerge to guide consciousness through destabilising psychological terrain.
Charli 1
Charcoal on paper — 1020 × 725 mm (2023)
Description Charli, an eight‑year‑old alter shaped by the pressures of trophy‑child conditioning, stretches across a chaotic soundscape filled with tangled cables, speakers, and floating objects. Her elongated limbs, expressive face, and reaching hand convey both her desire to perform and the distortion imposed on her development.
Interpretation The work visualises an alter who was denied the freedom to form her own identity, instead moulded to satisfy the demands of abusive authority. Though she sings “girly pop” with enthusiasm, her voice carries a slur, and Sarah often speaks for her in the external world. The drawing captures the tension between Charli’s innate creativity and the warped expectations that shaped her, presenting her as both performer and survivor within Matte’s internal system.
Charli 2
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Charcoal on paper — 1020 × 725 mm (2023)
Description Charli appears perched on a warped rocking horse bearing her name, her elongated limbs and expressive features rendered with sharp, surreal distortion. The cloudy backdrop and the horse’s impossible anatomy amplify the sense of a child‑self suspended between play and psychological tension.
Interpretation As an eight‑year‑old alter shaped by trophy‑child expectations, Charli embodies both performance and constraint, her identity stretched by the demands imposed on her early life. The rocking horse becomes a symbol of forced childhood roles, while her posture and expression reveal the fragile determination of an alter who sings, survives, and navigates the world with Sarah’s support when her own voice falters.
Tahlia
Graphite on paper — 860 × 610 mm (2024)
Description Tahlia is depicted as a winged guardian figure, her form detailed with layered, feather‑like structures and floral motifs that anchor her presence between innocence and authority. She stands poised with symbolic tools in hand, emerging from a clouded, atmospheric backdrop that suggests both grounding and ascent.
Interpretation As a ten‑year‑old protector within Matte’s internal system, Tahlia supports him during physical‑world challenges and during destabilised states where perception fractures into portal‑like, interdimensional experiences. The drawing captures her role as a stabilising force—an alter who intervenes when reality becomes volatile, guiding Matte through transitions between internal and external worlds with calm, deliberate strength.
Boo
Graphite on paper — 860 × 610 mm (2025)
Description Boo is portrayed seated at a piano, her form emerging in soft graphite tones that echo the monochrome way she appears within Matte’s inner world. The stillness of her posture contrasts with the subtle tension in the surrounding objects, suggesting a presence that is both spectral and deeply rooted in memory.
Interpretation A twelve‑year‑old spirit‑alter with origins in 1930s New York, Boo carries the history of an orphaned child actress whose abilities were feared and ultimately punished. Within Matte’s internal system, she manifests with psychokinetic potential and the capacity to morph into further versions of herself, including Boo 2, who channels electrical energy. Her connection to trophy‑child conditioning and her innate musicality—playing piano despite Matte’s inability—position her as both a haunting and protective figure. The drawing captures her emergence as she begins influencing her environment, revealing a layered identity shaped by trauma, resilience, and interdimensional possibility.
Shay'aanvier
Graphite on paper — 730 × 565 mm (2022)
Description Shay’aanvier is depicted mid‑draw with bow and arrow, framed by a rugged stone passage and a stark, windswept landscape. His features and attire evoke an earthy, mythic presence, echoing the “green man” archetype and the grounded physicality he channels from Matte’s love of surfing, climbing, and outdoor movement.
Interpretation At nineteen, Shay’aanvier embodies Matte’s nature‑aligned instincts—barefoot, intuitive, and attuned to the land—until his encounter within the cave shifts his trajectory. There he meets the mystic (from the mythologies series), and the creatures within ultimately transform him into Vampire Man, a figure whose narrative unfolds cinematically inside Matte’s internal world and later in his writing. This drawing captures the moment before that metamorphosis, preserving the last glimpse of Shay’aanvier as a guardian of earthbound energy before he crosses into a darker, mythic evolution
The Historic link between Shay'aanvier, Vampire Man & the Mystic
The deeper Shay’aanvier moved into the cavern, the stronger the pull became, as though something ancient beneath the mountain was calling his blood by name. His father shouted for him to stop, but the boy no longer seemed to hear—his body stumbling forward with fevered purpose, drawn into the black throat of the earth. The shamanistic woman followed close behind, her expression shifting from confusion to dread as old symbols carved into the cave walls began to reveal themselves in the torchlight.
At the cavern’s heart stood a stone altar stained dark with age, and there the shamanistic woman froze. She recognised the place from the forbidden pages of her oldest texts—a ritual chamber spoken of only in warnings, where cursed blood was awakened, not healed. Shay’aanvier collapsed before the altar, writhing as the infected wound on his neck split open and poured blackened blood across the stone.
The shamanistic woman stepped forward, chanting desperately in an ancient tongue, hoping to halt what had begun—but the cave answered her instead. Shadows poured from the walls and coiled around Shay’aanvier’s body as his screams echoed through the chamber. His spine arched, his teeth sharpened, and his eyes burned red beneath the darkness swallowing him whole.
When the shadows withdrew, Shay’aanvier rose slowly from the altar, no longer the boy who had entered the cave. The shamanistic woman stared in horror and awe, whispering the only words her trembling lips could form:
“The blood has chosen him.”
Vampire Man
Graphite on paper — 1020 × 725 mm (2023)
Description Vampire Man is depicted within an ornate gothic frame, his features sharpened through meticulous graphite work—elongated teeth, hollowed contours, and a gaze that feels both ancient and alert. The surrounding baroque motifs and creature‑like forms reinforce the sense of a figure emerging from a psychological threshold rather than a literal reflection.
Interpretation Vampire Man first surfaced during one of Matte’s most overwhelming childhood experiences, when the actions of his alcoholic father by hanging Matte placed him in severe danger and pushed him over the edge of consciousness. In that moment, an alter formed to protect him—an instinctive psychological response later obscured by years of physical abuse and gaslighting that led Matte to misinterpret this presence as something “evil.” His activation around mirrors and showers became a defining marker in Matte’s eventual D.I.D. diagnosis, revealing significant dissociative time loss and internal shifts. Alongside Sarah, Vampire Man is one of the earliest and most enduring alters in Matte’s system. Though Matte believed Vampire Man was simply the lead guitarist in their band Scarletton, the voice he heard was the alter’s—an expression of strength and survival where Matte himself felt unable to speak.
Shadow girl 1
Graphite on paper — 860 × 610 mm (2021)
Description This drawing presents Shadow Girl in full gothic expression—twin high ponytails, dark makeup, and a skull‑emblazoned outfit paired with patterned fishnets and heavy platform shoes. Her stance is assertive, framed beneath a crescent moon, with dripping graphite textures and sharp contrasts that emphasise her intensity and self‑possession.
Interpretation Shadow Girl is an alter who emerges from Claire’s shadow, carrying a bold, rebellious identity shaped by impulse, style, and emotional force. She embodies the darker feminine within Matte’s system—confident, unapologetic, and visually striking—yet also capable of overwhelming him through sudden internal shifts that can leave him depleted for days. As the bassist in Scarletton, she channels her energy into performance and aesthetic power. This artwork captures her as a fully realised presence: gothic, commanding, and deeply intertwined with the transformative undercurrents of Matte’s inner world.
Shadow girl 2
Charcoal on paper — 910 × 720 mm (2024]
Description Shadow Girl emerges with upward‑rolled eyes, braided hair, and dark markings that frame her expression, set beneath a crescent moon that illuminates the surrounding barren landscape. Her form is rendered with gothic intensity, the dripping black elements and lattice‑patterned garment reinforcing her presence as a figure born from depth, secrecy, and internal transformation.
Interpretation At twenty‑seven, Shadow Girl arises from Claire’s shadow—Claire being the alter who authored much of Matte’s book during periods of dissociation. Shadow Girl carries a distinct identity: impulsive, gothic, musically aligned as the bassist in Scarletton, and prone to sudden spending sprees on dresses and shoes that impact Matte in the external world. The glowing orb beside her represents the Arcturian Man, an entity who assists with portal travel alongside Tahlia. Shadow Girl’s most unusual phenomenon is her attempt to shift Matte’s neurochemistry toward a female state, episodes that leave him depleted for days. The drawing captures her as a force of metamorphosis—part shadow, part guide, part disruptor—embodying the complex interplay of identity, influence, and internal evolution within Matte’s system.
Shaman
Graphite on paper — 860 × 610 mm (2024)
Description The Shaman stands on rocky terrain, rendered with intricate markings, a carved mask‑like face, and ritual objects held in each hand. Towering mushrooms rise beside him, creating a sense of scale that emphasises his small stature and the otherworldly environment he inhabits. Mist and shadow shape the atmosphere, giving the scene the feeling of a distant, forest‑covered planet.
Interpretation Only 150 mm tall, The Shaman exists on a world dominated by dense forests and ancient organic structures. He connects with Matte’s subtle shamanistic instincts—those intuitive, earth‑aligned traits that surface through disability and dissociation—and communicates closely with Shay’aanvier. As a guide‑figure within Matte’s internal system, The Shaman bridges planetary realms and inner landscapes, embodying ritual knowledge, grounding energy, and the quiet authority of a being who navigates both nature and psyche with equal fluency.
Molly
Graphite on paper — 860 × 610 mm (2024)
Description Molly is depicted in a stark, tiled environment, her form part‑human and part‑mechanical, with circuitry and exposed components woven through her body. The composition contrasts her expressive face with the fragmented, experimental state of her limbs, capturing a figure suspended between organic identity and imposed technological alteration.
Interpretation Molly is a transhuman alter from a future timeline, brought into Matte’s system through Jeorde—another future‑oriented alter capable of navigating time. Trapped in a clinical setting where upgrades and experimental programs are forced upon her, she struggles to operate within a human body without the technology she once relied on. Her presence carries a warning about the trajectory of the tech age and the risks some embrace without question. Despite her constraints, Molly expresses a longing to exist fully in the present era, offering Matte insight into futures shaped by over‑mechanisation. The drawing captures her as both messenger and survivor, embodying the tension between human vulnerability and engineered transformation.
Katrina (unfinished)
oils on board — 900 × 600 mm (2025]
Description Katrina is depicted with glowing eyes, ritual markings, and gothic adornments that frame her expression in a state of charged intensity. The composition captures her suspended between allure and fury, her features rendered with sharp contrasts that reveal both her elegance and the volatile energy she carries.
Interpretation Katrina is an alter who, in Matte’s internal world, traces her origins to a past‑life encounter with Vampire Man, who transformed her from an aristocratic existence into a being driven by instinct, passion, and power. Their connection is both romantic and mythic, shaping her dual nature—playful at times, yet capable of overwhelming rage. Like Shadow Girl, Katrina has the capacity to overwhelm Matte’s system, particularly through intense shifts in internal chemistry that can leave him depleted for days. This drawing was created during a period when her emergence was especially destabilising, leaving the work intentionally unfinished. The rawness of the image reflects the force she holds within the system, offering a glimpse into the depth, volatility, and emotional charge that define her presence.